on creation and g*d and how to divest from zuckerburg and all those other guys
TLDR: make a neocities i am begging you
okay, so, here's the deal. in light of recent events and being faced with horrors yet unimaginable to us all, i've been thinking a lot about the internet. MOSTLY i've been scrolling instagram and seeing the 'threads' posts it forces into my feed about how the genocide(s) and ethnic cleansing currently taking place are correct but what instagram will NOT show me includes
- my friend's art
- a loved one's medical fundraiser
- anything that may bring community or perhaps
- beckon in the world to come
- by allowing for or fascilitating the creation of resource networks
- the sharing or revolutaionary (or beautiful and mundane) ideas
- or the growth of humanity (like in the sense of the spirit which draws us all together... or whatever...)
and like, me being AWARE that the only reason it's showing me these things is to make me engage with it and part of me WANTS TO ENGAGE and yell into the internet hole but this really leads me to feeling like i'm yelling at a shadow on the wall and part of me DOES NOT WANT TO DO THIS!
i don't think i have ever successfully changed someones mind on the internet. i dont think really anyone has, at least not in the comments of fucking threads. and i will save that energy for people i care about and those who care about me.
in the mean time i reach inside myself to try to know what DO i WANT? and hand in chest, my fingers reach back to the internet i once knew. it was on this internet that i spent thousands of hours as a teen reading marx, making furry art, and creating lasting bonds with other people in a way that feels silly to call natural (how "natural" can the internet be?) but can at least be described as organic. i would share a song i recorded on the built in mic of my acer laptop, they would share their home made beats. i would write an essay about identity, they would comment on it constuctively and between us, something beautiful was made (not to be corny!!!). i just think it was really neat! no fear of how a post would perform, no ordering of what i would or would not be allowed to see by some almighty and other-worldly algorithm. just good old fashioned dialectic.
the plan
so like i said, the wave of the world is cresting in a way that feels unbarable and viscerally wrong. i cry every day. i am forced to see the cold, lifeless hands of a child who i cannot help on a website who profit's off of keeping me in a position of terrified and helpless motionlessness. i know i am not original in this thought or feeling but i truly wonder, for how much longer can i go on about how these websites have built a business of monopolizing our focus and energy while still scrolling cute little pictures and awful horrors for like, five hours a day? i only speak for myself here but how upset about it can i really be if i am doing nothing to change the situation? i can't do much about war or famine and i don't think making a neocities is like, a revolutionary or heroic act but... i just need something to be different for myself and maybe for a few others and so i'm starting here.heres what i'm thinking and it is a maybe four part plan, sort of.
part 1: channeling my attention and effort into creation, the most divine thing a human can do
allow me to get a little bit head ass for a second. i really can't go on about how i feel about all of this without also mentioning how i feel about creation. if you know me, you know i love craft. i truly believe creation is the most divine and life affirming thing a human can do. honoring gd through my relationship to creation and my intentionality through it is a huge part of my life. it is for this reason i do not do activities of creation (work) on saturday, i have certain dietary restrictions, and i have days of the year where i do special little things. it is all because i believe there is something within each person that makes them alive and although i cannot know all of it, TO ME a little (but extremely important) part of it is being able to CHOOSE what you DO and DO NOT do. by CHOOSING to not to work on saturday, i am also CHOOSING to work the rest of the week. by CHOOSING not to eat certain food or mix others, i am putting a little extra energy into CHOOSING what actually does go into my body, when , and how. it is throug choosing to do certain things that we CREATE a situation that is a little more revered, a little more holy (or special or significant or magical, if you will).
i think an area in my life i have been neglecting this relationship of choice is though my attention in my daily life. where do i spend my attention, where do i put my energy? right now, it is not exactly where i want it to be. by not choosing not to partake in what is not important to me, i am inadvertantly choosing to NOT partake what IS important to me. (this may all seem extremely obvious but it's also easy to just not think about. for me, at least.)
so with that said, here are the ways i personally will be trying to channel my energy into what DOES matter to me.
- i used to carry around a little notebook and draw in it whenever i felt like scrolling. (i lost that notebook and then stopped that habit. i will start doing this again.)
- instead of only communicating to my friends through replies to images they put aimlessly out into the world, i will be more intentional about reaching out to those i love and who love me. and even those who i don't!
- i will hold in my mind a real faith that people will let me know if they dont want to have a relationship with me . not like relationship but like, i think i too often just assume no one wants to hear from me and i shouldn't reach out to them which leads to isolation on both our behalves. who does that benefit? not me!
sorry, that was a bad list, let me make a better list of things you maybe would want to do too:
- keep a little notebook to draw in instead of scrolling
- reach out to others
- maintain a healthy mental image of myself and others, for the sake of what grows between us.
part 2: fucking don't use the awful, forsaken, life draining APPS!
okay, i'm being a little dramatic but... really, i need to use them less. no solid goal or anything, but maybe if we all make a neocities and set up an RSS feed and are active on email we can just not do the fucking apps anymore. which leads me to my next point...
part 3: make a neocities and set up an RSS feed
i used this website to make this blog. click it and read it and the set it up, it will not kill you nad actually it will make you more alive and also it will heal all of your ailments and will grow wings and a halo. and i will love you forever. and i will help you if you need help. and if you made it this far and are actually still reading i will send you $15 if you make a little bloggy blog. just email me!
part 4: i want to be a part of this beautiful world
i always kind of have the sense that i will die soon. my appendix busrt when i was in highschool and i am just generally a little sickly. my mom died young and i really can't imagine the world lasting tht much longer. and even if it does, we are all living in our own little apocolypse. he world ends for so many people every day, the apocolypse is here even if i am surviving it. and maybe one day i wont. BUT! while i am here, i want to create the world in which i live. i want to
- cook more
- for friends
- make my own clothing
- weave my own baskets
okay i think glad thats all out of my system! goodbye, 2023.
love,
sweet angel's dream